The Key

Fall

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Yesterday I awoke to the sound of leaves sloshing from side to side, hitting branches left and right. I heard the wind rise underfoot and carry the golden brown hues for miles.  A chill was in the air, the way there hadn’t been for a while. A storm was brewing and I knew it was coming for us.

Somewhere, somehow, between all my studying, the summer was over.

I had missed it, my nose deep in books, dusting cobwebs out of the corners of my mind. One exam, two exams, three exams later, amongst clearing out my apartment, I felt lighter, and infinitely more tired. I find myself sitting between boxes of things I couldn’t bear give up. Buying furniture is expensive, yet during this move it dawned on me that even getting rid of objects comes at a cost. I donated as much as I could to the local charities, and yet it seemed the more I gave, the more I had left.

It was the 16th time I’d moved, and you’d think after a while you’d get used to it, that you wouldn’t wake up in the middle of the night with more logistical questions than answers. And then, when you finally hand that key over and dust off your hands, as you turn the page to the new chapter to come, you can finally breathe easy again.

You are free again, a bird in flight, waiting to find the next prosperous place to land, and call home.

moving

moving

Bookless

If you are a bookworm like me, you will understand the pleasure derived from having a great book to put your nose in at the end of the day. That feeling of being in a story even when the pages are closed, contributes the thrill that lasts until the pages on your right dwindle and you’ve stopped reading as fast as normally do because you want this feeling to last. It’s with anguish that you know you want to reach the end and yet, wish you could experience it all over, like you never will again. The days between such great reads seem a little dull in comparison, even though you are finally free. You no longer wonder what is hidden in the next paragraph, and the adventure has come to a close, both for you and the protagonists.

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weheartit.com

Right now, I am bookless. And although there is a very tall heap of books waiting to be discovered, like uncharted waters, it is hard to dip your toes in and get wet all over again. So I’m enjoying my morning coffee, free of the confinement of the book world, ready to take on the sunny outdoors.

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weheartit.com

So Many Different Suns

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Always Something There to Remind Me.”

courtesy of weheartit.com

courtesy of weheartit.com

Scent is the strongest trigger of memories, and yet sound, and music in particular is a powerful vessel, of memories and emotions alike. If I had to choose but one song, that evokes the strongest of childhood memories, it would have to be ‘Brothers in Arms’ by the Dire Straits. On a three-week road trip through the red dirt roads of northern Australia, that tape was the only thing we had to listen to (because someone forgot to pack the rest). No radio signal, no road trip themed playlist. Just us, the wilderness and the Dire Straits. We were so tired of this tape by the end of the three weeks, and now, it’s all I know. The lyrics and tones and inked into our very souls.

The eerie lonely howl of the guitar, amidst the desert landscapes that stretches for miles and miles, reminded us that we were in the remotest place we’d been so far. From Darwin to Uluru, the little towns with forgotten names flew past us. Fruit bats and geckoes became our nightly camp co-dwellers and the night sky had never seemed bigger. That trip, will remain the most special adventure we had as children. Waking up to the various sounds of wildlife as you crossed the camp ground, thin veil of mist hanging over the gum trees is a feeling that will remain real, as long as I have this song to listen to.

courtesy of google images

courtesy of google images

And the risk remains, with each time you rewind the tape or hit play, that you record over those instances with new memories, for they are dynamic in nature, and unlike a picture; memories change with time, as malleable as the sand castles we built when we were kids.

‘There’s so many different worlds
So many different suns
And we have just one world
But we live in different ones

Now the sun’s gone to hell and
The moon’s riding high
Let me bid you farewell
Every man has to die
But it’s written in the starlight
And every line in your palm
We are fools to make war
On our brothers in arms’

– Dire Straits

Curveball

courtesy of 'weheartit.com'

courtesy of ‘weheartit.com’

People have this incredible capacity to surprise you, to make you wonder. This of course, can go both ways. At times, disappointment takes over and you ask yourself how you could not see someone for who they are. And these moments usually stand out in a negative way, long after that person is out of your life. Friendships drift apart, sometimes for no real reason other than the fact that you have less in common than before.

Courtesy of 'weheartit.com'

Courtesy of ‘weheartit.com’

But today I want to talk about those other unexpected times of clarity, when people come through and simply astonish you. When you walk on rocky shores and sway into the uncertainty that is the present, you realize that people are there to catch you. That when you pull away to make things simpler, you leave an empty space. It is good to be reminded of that sometimes. That you matter. And when there is no doubt in your mind that things will be ok, no matter what.

Courtesy of weheartit.com

Courtesy of weheartit.com

Here’s to those people in your life, that matter most. Happy Tuesday.

Saturday Bliss

When the future ahead is riddled with uncertainty, or your routines have become ruts, it is sometimes important to tally all the incredible things that you have in your life.

Here are a few things that are making my day this morning:

1) the incredible family members I get to spend my time with. Each has their own uniquely packaged talents and flaws, and brushing against their personality sometimes complicates my life, but ultimately makes us closer than we could be to anyone else.

2) Waking up in a place where I feel safe, and where I had the luxury to fall asleep again for hours. Sleeping in doesn’t happen too often these days, so it was pretty incredible.

3) That first cup of coffee in the morning. The next couple don’t come close to that first taste, with it’s foamy topping.

4) The fact that the most urgent thing on my to-do list for today is to book a ticket to thailand.

5) That although I’m set for a long day of studying, it will happen on my sunny deck.

6) That although one of my grandparents is currently in the hospital, I am lucky enough to still have all 4 of them, and that they are still symbolize strength, autonomy and family values for me.

Happy saturday 🙂

courtesy of 'weheartit.com'

courtesy of ‘weheartit.com’

Stolen Thunder

I love summer thunderstorms. What better feeling is there than to lie in bed and hear the sky rattle or shake and let raindrops loose on your roof. The flickering moments where the sky alights can be both dramatic and frightening for anyone caught in the tempest. But inside, it’s almost as soothing as the flickering light of a fireplace, only less predictable. It is the perfect setting for ghost stories, where you find refuge under your sheets, shutting the world out. Fear of the dark strikes anew, and you feel grateful for any light in the shadows, as though somehow it helps keep the storm beyond your window panes, smaller somehow. And after, the world smells fresh, washed clean, the summer heat pulled down from the air. Follows such serene silence, inviting sleep.

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weheartit.com

Across The Universe

The sky felt bigger tonight, somehow. Lying on the grass in my garden, all at once, it felt as though we could drift off into the sea of clouds. How strange, how infinitely small we are compared to this sky we often take as a backdrop for our lives. Perhaps we are the scenery, the speck of dust that can be flicked away. Too small to matter. And yet, as small and irrelevant as we are, the people we love can make up our entire world.

found on weheartit.com

found on weheartit.com

Growing up on the Move

A couple of things I loved about moving as a kid:

And She opened her eyes to the magic of the world' - found on weheartit.com

And She opened her eyes to the magic of the world’
– found on weheartit.com

1) having a growing number of friends from widely different backgrounds

2) getting the advantage of learning a new language in real time, making it your own, in a way you would never get to as an adult. Most of all, you speak and yeah, you make mistakes, but as a kid, you don’t care, you just go for it.

3) the sense of adventure you get when you find out, this is it, we really are moving to Australia or Canada, or wherever.

4) that when you know you’re only living somewhere for a year you make the most of it, whether that means taking your kids out of school for 3 weeks to road trip to Ayers Rock, camping style, or whether it’s living above your means for a couple of months. You tend to explore restaurants and national parks to a greater extent than someone who expects these incredible moments to be available to them for years to come.

5) having several places to call home, despite how torn you may feel between them at times.

Have a great week!

M.

The Impostor Syndrome

When working with the leaders of your chosen field, it is easy to be intimidated by the vast experience of your collaborators and mentors. You may even ask yourself what you are doing there at all. You may worry about them realizing that you don’t belong there.

And yet, little by little things change. You gain confidence in your own abilities, you recognize the humanity in others, you may come to the conclusion that ‘if he can do this, so can you’.

Teddy Doctor 'found on weheartit.com'

Teddy Doctor
‘found on weheartit.com’

In Medicine, some transitions happen fast. Before you know it you go from sitting in lectures to taking patient histories, and you feel like a fraud. You wear a white coat and people think you’re the real deal. You feel like you need to break it to them – hey, I’m nothing but a medical student.

As rotations drag on, you realize that not only does stating your lowly medical student status get you nothing but doubt and under appreciation by colleagues and patients, you actually lose time and are less efficient. Yes, you may be the student, as stated on your badge, but you have a job to do. A precious one. Never again will you have this much time to indulge in long patient histories and physical exams the way you do as a student. Soon enough you become competent are the white coat feels like a comfortable armour rather than the strange unfamiliar gear that ‘a real doctor’ would wear (in Europe anyways).

Soon enough, you realize that you are the real deal, and that in a couple of months your signature on prescriptions will bear the full weight of ‘real’ responsibility.

And so the fraud becomes authentic and never questions it again. Most of the time anyways, until you slide on the robe of professor, of department chair, of anything really. It takes time to take on a new role and to believe that you truly belong. Until it fully sinks in that you have made your dreams a reality, little by little.